If you were to ask me why I spent my own money, why I never asked for a promotion or why I'm not rich from what I have done over the years, I probably couldn't give you a good reason for any of these things.
Why?
Because there was no personal interest in any of that.
And I ask, have you ever seen a living leaf in the air without roots tying it to the ground and feeding it life?
Have you ever heard a baby cry without a need?
Have you ever seen someone just react to a life or death situation because it was the right thing to do?
I can't think of anyone who wants to die to live. Although there was a Cajun joke where one was telling the other he had to die to get better.
I can't think of anyone who does something continuously with a conscious commitment to do so.
In fact, I can't see someone crazy enough to walk in my shoes and do what I have done for no other reason that it had to get done.
Where's the glory in that?
Fact is, and this may surprise you, what motivated me to do the things I have done all my life has been the desire to survive and not fail.
When my father cane back from the Korean War, I asked mom who he was and then found myself on the other side of the room. Stinging from the well placed butt punt, I vowed never to ask that question again.
When my parents were arguing violently at the table, it was I with tears rolling down my face who told them they were behaving like children.
When my father got kicked out of the Army during the McCarthy era when he said something politically wrong, it was I who was asked to help him with the cleanup of the Circle Drive In Movie theater so we could make ends meet.
As time moved on, it was I who picked up the princess phone that was directly connected to Tony Curtis' home phone and I who met Buddy Hackett on the same day. All because my father decided on his own to have a 40 Pounds of Trouble movie promotion.
Have you any idea what it feels like to have a father who puts the York Sisters on the Ed Sullivan, has images of Debbie Reynolds in pig tails and gets invited to parties sponsored by Billboard Magazine?
Ah, its crazy.
So, what do I do? Picture for just a moment a kid with no depth perception wanting to be a pilot and a brother with perfect 20/20 vision wanting to fly model airplanes and you have an idea what my parents hard to go though the first time a Piper Aircraft door was opened and I wasn't invited.
Sometimes it pays to go into emotional crisis.
And from that I started a flying club at Moorestown Senior High School. Kept it alive by pestering the Courier Post to run a story on it, got a call from Trudy Haynes do do a news feature on my flying club and organized a flight of 30 students in 20 airplanes to go to Lock Haven, PA to see Bill Piper Senior and tour Piper Aircraft.
So, yeah, too scared to fail was my theme song. Hiding the sexual abuse was one of the stanzas.
Don't know how it worked in most families back then but in mine, the guys in the family got the door and the girls got the college education.
At $2.10 per hour, in one week, I was making more than a I would as a private in the Army in one month.
Never did that figure until just now.
My interest was in getting the GI Bill.
NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP US NOW
A song done by Jefferson Starship for a movie called The Mannequin, filmed at the John Wanamaker's Store in Philadelphia. I worked at the one at the Moorestown Mall in Moorestown, NJ.
I also worked with Jefferson Starship in Lake Charles, LA as I had two young ladies to volunteer to use my metallic makeup on stage with them and pose as Mannequins.
Mickey Thomas said it served to enhance the song.
I'm also indirectly responsible for River Boat Gambling in Lake Charles. Although a bit seedy, the industry has changed the financial tapestry from either working for minimum wage or working for the refineries to additional income opportunities.
But back in 1969, this always overweight, wet behind the ears soldier was about to come up close and personal with a reality check. Never sign on the dotted line unless you understand what things really mean on the contract.
That I survived Vietnam in one piece was a miracle in itself. That I was able to do he things I did in the Army was just as amazing.
So were the people I worked for, and worked and shared my life with.
You can't put a dollar amount on any of it because it was priceless.
All because I was too scared to fail.
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